I went there today
that place where once I found you
wandering alone with that coat
watched and yet said nothing
your silence saying more than I could speak
I knelt here, stooping for a moment
doing this in remembrance of you
presence and absence held together in a gesture
I look and my gaze creates your space,
your phantom form for a moment hovering
in the eye of my soul
I haven’t written much music in a long time, so it was an interesting task to have a go at something for this year’s carol service at St George’s. In a sense this is going back to high school, when I used to enter a local competition to write a Christmas carol (I did win one year), but it’s combining that with a new-found love of writing poetry and all sorts of other things that have happened to me in the past few years.
Unfortunately I didn’t manage to record the event, but for those of you who find such things interesting I have uploaded copies of the score in transposed and untransposed forms. There is also an appalling recording of me singing it with piano here.
Wandering through the parks today this scripture came to my mind and I wondered what it was saying.
Emmaus is the moment when the rollercoaster is over. The disciples have lived in hope, in fear, they’ve thought that maybe things were going to work out, maybe they were stupid, maybe Jesus was the messiah, maybe he was going confront the evils in the world, maybe this fight was going to end well, maybe it was going to go badly.
And then the rollercoaster ends.
Everything is decided - no more hopes, no more fears, just the end. This is the moment where they realise it’s all really over and ended badly, and they go for a walk with a friend. Now’s the time to take stock of the situation, where to go from here, what went wrong, what are they left with, how are they going to resign themselves to their new situation.
And then what happens? Jesus comes alongside them. “You thought this was the end? Oh no… nowhere close, you see, that’s not how God works”
Just where hope is totally given up and abandoned - that’s where he comes and rekindles it again. That’s where it really begins to come alive.
Here’s a talk I gave two weeks ago
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It’s easy in the world we live in to feel trapped.
Whether or not we generally feel satisfied with our jobs, the working week from Monday til Friday or the working day from 9 til 5 will often drag us down.
Whether or not we enjoy cleaning our house and our clothes, seeing another weekly pile of ironing can make our hearts sink
We often have personal aspirations just off the horizon which we are waiting to fulfil
There are so many stories, from day to day which we live our lives by, stories that go from week to week or day to day, stories which sometimes leave us happy with our role within them, and stories which often make us wish we were part of a different narrative.
Stories of this size have value, they regulate our daily living, but ultimately if they are all we live by they are too small - they leave us, at least from time to time, feeling trapped. God’s story is bigger - far bigger, and when we live by the light of it, all our little day to day stories find their real place and their real significance. This story is spacious - incredibly spacious.
We all know the story - God is before everything, he himself in the beginning. God creates - he creates something beautiful and amazing which he charges humankind with the care of, and which he/we will one day bring to completion. Rebellion disturbs the story and takes things off track. Things spiral down and get worse. Various solutions fail to work completely. God has a plan to solve this - a people whom he chooses to show himself to and who will in turn show him to the world. This, too, has problems, and once again there are various ups and downs and solutions and prophecies. In the end God brings out the true solution to get the creation back on track - he comes down himself, deal with all the mess of rebellion of sin and calls a new people who are the people of this kingdom, who live in it and advance it within the world. This kingdom continues to advance and will one day come to completion within a completely renewed world.
So there it is - God’s story. Simple really. We live by that and we have big happy lives in the glorious kingdom of God.
It’s not that simple though is it. These little stories are still here around us, and they often feel rather distant from the big story itself.
I want to look at a few scriptural songs and look at how big and small narratives are tied together in them.
Mary’s song is the first one. Here it is:
My soul magnifies the Lord,
47 and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,
48 for he has looked on the humble estate of his servant.
For behold, from now on all generations will call me blessed;
49 for he who is mighty has done great things for me,
and holy is his name.
50 And his mercy is for those who fear him
from generation to generation.
51 He has shown strength with his arm;
he has scattered the proud in the thoughts of their hearts;
52 he has brought down the mighty from their thrones
and exalted those of humble estate;
53 he has filled the hungry with good things,
and the rich he has sent empty away.
54 He has helped his servant Israel,
in remembrance of his mercy,
55 as he spoke to our fathers,
to Abraham and to his offspring forever.
Mary’s story here is a small one - an amazing one, but small nevertheless, let’s think about it briefly. She’s discovered she’s pregnant, her marriage and family are in serious problems, she has all the daily troubles of being pregnant ahead of her. It could be so easy to get stuck in this story, the story of her relationship problems. On the next level up, God has just done something amazing in her, it could be easy to get all excited “God has done this for me, what an amazing thing” - this would probably be quite exciting for a while. I suspect over the course of her life it might fade though.
So where does the song turn us? It turns to the big story - it shows how this little story is at a particular moment in the big story, it shows how it play out again in miniature all the big themes that God’s people have sung about for generations, and it lets the small story echo the big one and vice versa.
- God’s blessing on Mary as an individual is one that resounds throughout history.
In many ways Mary’s case was a very special example. It’s something we see many times in scripture however, that blessings are remembered and recorded, and that the things that happen now on the earth have echoes in eternity.
- His mercy which he shows on Mary is one that endures through all generation. This act in her life causes her to reflect on the way he acts like this on a much larger scale.
What God does now in our lives is part of a long pattern of faithfulness which extends so far in every direction.
- His blessing now is a fulfilment of the promise spoken many generations ago and one that will endure forever
Again, this is big timescale stuff, and big important stuff too. Something seemingly little happening (the birth of a child) is the echo of a big promise.
Psalm 18 is the second passage to look at
18
1 I love you, O LORD, my strength.
2 The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer,
my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge,
my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
3 I call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised,
and I am saved from my enemies.
4 The cords of death encompassed me;
the torrents of destruction assailed me;
5 the cords of Sheol entangled me;
the snares of death confronted me.
6 In my distress I called upon the LORD;
to my God I cried for help.
From his temple he heard my voice,
and my cry to him reached his ears.
7 Then the earth reeled and rocked;
the foundations also of the mountains trembled
and quaked, because he was angry.
8 Smoke went up from his nostrils,
and devouring fire from his mouth;
glowing coals flamed forth from him.
9 He bowed the heavens and came down;
thick darkness was under his feet.
10 He rode on a cherub and flew;
he came swiftly on the wings of the wind.
11 He made darkness his covering, his canopy around him,
thick clouds dark with water.
12 Out of the brightness before him
hailstones and coals of fire broke through his clouds.
13 The LORD also thundered in the heavens,
and the Most High uttered his voice,
hailstones and coals of fire.
14 And he sent out his arrows and scattered them;
he flashed forth lightnings and routed them.
15 Then the channels of the sea were seen,
and the foundations of the world were laid bare
at your rebuke, O LORD,
at the blast of the breath of your nostrils.
16 He sent from on high, he took me;
he drew me out of many waters.
17 He rescued me from my strong enemy
and from those who hated me,
for they were too mighty for me.
18 They confronted me in the day of my calamity,
but the LORD was my support.
19 He brought me out into a broad place;
he rescued me, because he delighted in me.
20 The LORD dealt with me according to my righteousness;
according to the cleanness of my hands he rewarded me.
21 For I have kept the ways of the LORD,
and have not wickedly departed from my God.
22 For all his rules were before me,
and his statutes I did not put away from me.
23 I was blameless before him,
and I kept myself from my guilt.
24 So the LORD has rewarded me according to my righteousness,
according to the cleanness of my hands in his sight.
25 With the merciful you show yourself merciful;
with the blameless man you show yourself blameless;
26 with the purified you show yourself pure;
and with the crooked you make yourself seem tortuous.
27 For you save a humble people,
but the haughty eyes you bring down.
28 For it is you who light my lamp;
the LORD my God lightens my darkness.
29 For by you I can run against a troop,
and by my God I can leap over a wall.
30 This God—his way is perfect;
the word of the LORD proves true;
he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him.
31 For who is God, but the LORD?
And who is a rock, except our God?—
32 the God who equipped me with strength
and made my way blameless.
33 He made my feet like the feet of a deer
and set me secure on the heights.
34 He trains my hands for war,
so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
35 You have given me the shield of your salvation,
and your right hand supported me,
and your gentleness made me great.
36 You gave a wide place for my steps under me,
and my feet did not slip.
37 I pursued my enemies and overtook them,
and did not turn back till they were consumed.
38 I thrust them through, so that they were not able to rise;
they fell under my feet.
39 For you equipped me with strength for the battle;
you made those who rise against me sink under me.
40 You made my enemies turn their backs to me,
and those who hated me I destroyed.
41 They cried for help, but there was none to save;
they cried to the LORD, but he did not answer them.
42 I beat them fine as dust before the wind;
I cast them out like the mire of the streets.
43 You delivered me from strife with the people;
you made me the head of the nations;
people whom I had not known served me.
44 As soon as they heard of me they obeyed me;
foreigners came cringing to me.
45 Foreigners lost heart
and came trembling out of their fortresses.
46 The LORD lives, and blessed be my rock,
and exalted be the God of my salvation—
47 the God who gave me vengeance
and subdued peoples under me,
48 who delivered me from my enemies;
yes, you exalted me above those who rose against me;
you rescued me from the man of violence.
49 For this I will praise you, O LORD, among the nations,
and sing to your name.
50 Great salvation he brings to his king,
and shows steadfast love to his anointed,
to David and his offspring forever.
There is a wonderful flow in this psalm between the psalmist’s experiences of the Lord, and the much bigger themes that they tie into.
The Lord saved the psalmist when he cried for help. This psalm seems to come out of a specific experience the psalmist had with the Lord, a personal tale of distress and redemption
Verse 7 though - we have a cosmic picture here, the whole earth and the mountains seem to be trembling with what has happened. This is a language we get so much in Apolocalyptic literature. Think revelation, think Jesus’ olivet discourses, think Daniel. Events on Earth, are invested through this literature with a cosmic, heavenly significance - it’s made clear that they’re not mere earthly happenings, but things tied up with much greater plans and purposes
Verses 20-25 show the psalmist’s dealings with the Lord, but verse 26 shows how these are universal dealings. He dealt with the psalmist this way - this is how he deals with the whole of humanity.
Verse 27 ties it into the themes of Israel and the nations, enacting it on a national level. The psalmist doesn’t stay introspecting on himself, but turns his gaze outward again and again
Verse 31 - we’ve moved from these small dealings to a picture of how amazing God himself is. Ultimately everything that happens finds it end in God, beautiful things on the earth come from him, troubles on the earth are dealt with by him
Verse 33 - his dealings with the psalmist in general through his life. There are patterns set up, and when one thing happens it fits into these broader patterns.
Verse 50 brings the promise into eternity. God’s salvation, which the psalmist just experienced is one that fulfils an ancient promise and which has an ultimate fulfilment. His story finds its place in an much bigger narrative.
What does this mean for us then? I want to encourage us to enact our daily stories, the little things as stories tying into the big story. We need to lift our eyes up and see the big pattern
- When we are in sorrow this lifts us out of self-pity. We may have problems, but they are problems which fit into much bigger arenas, with other people to consider and ultimate solutions at hand
- When we rejoice this magnifies our joy. Our joy at something in the moment can resound with the joys of history and the joys of eternitys
- When we feel trapped this expands our world into the most spacious of all worlds
Why is the story so big then? It’s all very well going on about stories, but the key to them all isn’t their own integrity. It’s their rootedness in God. The vastness of the story is really a showcase for the vastness of God.
19 He brought me out into a broad place;
he rescued me, because he delighted in me.
Reponses:
- Take some time now, think about what defines your life right now. What are the stories you see yourself caught up in.
- Think about scripture, where are the parallels either in small stories or in the big stories
- How do the themes of God’s story echo in yours right now. What are the big themes that find resonance in where you find yourself
Here we gather as your people
One in body, one in blood
Raise a noise to sing your glory
Gathered to our Lord of love
Here we gather, all our failures
Sore and open to your eyes,
plead the precious blood of Jesus
now in new life to arise
Bind us Lord, O bind us closely
that as one we sing your praise
in our hearts let love melt greivances
that sweet incense we may make
Teach us Lord to sing in harmony
diverse lives and many ways
For we know that your community
of all peoples it is made
May our praises ever louder
reach up to your throne on high
breaking there as gushing river
Lives and voices to you rise
From time to time I will spend a sunny afternoon sitting in a graveyard, generally around a church, generally when I’m doing a concert, or eating lunch or passing some time somehow. Sometimes I wander round, read some of the stones - how old were they? Were they married? Did they enjoy their life? Did they have hope? Were they in love?
Today I was doing this again, and it struck me what an amazing sense of peace it gives you to do this on a bright, warm day. To wander, and see these people all resting there, lives complete, remembered, loved, at peace. Somehow seeing this reality, and feeling their presence there, gives a peace about death, that it’s not something that has to be horribly frightening, but that you become, somehow, a part of this community that has journeyed that road before you.
It struck me too, what an amazing symbol it is to have a graveyard like this surrounding a church. A reminder that these people are still part of the community of worshippers, that they share in our worship, taking part with us in our adoration of God.
This evening I went to see Madame Butterfly in a stunning ENO production at the London Coliseum. The production was by the late Anthony Minghella (of Isle of Wight fame…) and was absolutely stunning.
Having seen the opera in the past though, I’ve been trying to think about what makes it so compelling as a story. It’s absolutely tragic in its substance - young, innocent, naïve girl marries a man in utter trust and love, he goes away, she waits for him three years with all her heart and then at the end of it he comes back married to someone else. She kills herself because of the grief. Yet, somehow there’s something that draws us in beyond the tragedy to a realm of pleasure and enjoyment.
I want to suggest that perhaps it acts on us by allowing us to somehow objectify all the pain and suffering we feel inside - to see someone outside ourselves experience all this so deeply brings it out of the realm of our own introspective subjectivity and creates some kind of objectifying distance between us and our own tragedy. By seeing it out there in such a vivid depiction, somehow the inward reality is transformed and we are able to stand in a different relation to it. It allows us to say “yes, these things happen in the world” and to somehow return with the knowledge that we’re not alone.
Beginning life as a student in Oxford, the Randolph is a venue you learn to revere, to hold in a certain amount of awe. Reviews of the establishment have questioned this reputation, but of course, what could be a better test of their truth than the state of the toilets.
I have to admit that having visited them, I’m left with the same kind of ambiguity present in my views of the establishment as a whole. In general, they are very tastefully done, a deep red coat of paint giving the walls a pleasantly mellow look, and various drawings hung around the walls to add interest to the experience. The obvious point of comparison is malmasion, and here, the differences are obvious - there is no attempt at subtle lighting, no folded toilet roll, no comedy playing in the background. Instead we have an establishment which had become comfortable in its place in the world and no longer feels the need to add these little innovations.
The ambiguity of the experience stems from the quality of the fittings. Whilst the floor is very pleasantly tiles in black and white, as your foot taps against it you have a sneaking suspicion that perhaps it is plastic. Likewise with the chrome fittings around the sinks - they lack an aura of refined workmanship that you would expect of an establishment as prestigious as this one. Whilst high-quality hand-towels are supplied in baskets they are, unfortunately, disposable. The hand soap is molton brown, but this is really to be expected anyway.
Overall, I must say these toilets were a pleasure to use and I would certainly commend them, however as those of an establishment with the reputation of the randolph you get the feeling that maybe a little more could have been invested in the design process and the quality of materials.
Climb up to the high places
the thin places
let the feeble hopes and dreams
of lower regions
be crushed beneath your feet
mere footholds, silenced with a tread
Aspire to the air worth breathing
live for the songs worth singing
outclimb the world
outclimb the pain within you
People often seem slightly surprised when I mention how much I like rain. It is useless getting into a stalemate of “I like rain” “I don’t like rain” and I believe a common ground could be found if we adopted a higher degree of nuance in our rain-talk.
Let me describe to you two different types of rain. Firstly the kind I suspect most people imagine when they say they don’t like it.
1. Rain that gets your trousers soaked when you’re cycling, that is driven by the wind into your face in a cold wet stream. Rain that exists in the context of a cold, dark, oppressive atmosphere.
2. Rain that falls in a gentle mist, which is cool and refreshing against the skin. Rain that falls heavily when you’re inside on a summer’s evening and you see it watering the plants and hear its music in the leaves and on the window.
There we go. That’s why I like rain. Because I’m talking about the other sort.
